just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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