I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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