i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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