He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
