So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
