UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
