He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
