I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
