Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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