so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
