i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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