How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I could make wine with my vomit
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
