its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
