Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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