Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
