So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
