boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
