he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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