Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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