new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
why do cheetos always look like penises
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
