So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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