i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
