look no pants
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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