we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
