remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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