My liver just broke up with me...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i dont even know how to be here
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
