People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
