I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
