Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
