I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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