some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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