i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
