Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
