I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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