My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
