and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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