i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
