I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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