I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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