Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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