I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
