also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
