How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
