$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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