what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
