You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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