my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
