Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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