Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
