You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize