News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
