The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
