Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
