You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
