return my video game
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't turn off my feet"
Someone came in the potted fern
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
