Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize