he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
