ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
