either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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