How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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