New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize