Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
