Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
