wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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