In the future we'll all be gay
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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