i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i've created a new STD.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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