Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no, he came in my armpit
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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