I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
