Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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