I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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