Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
