goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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