I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
