Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
