20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
