Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
