i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
