I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize