You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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