On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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