my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
