remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
