If i come over, it means nothing
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
