fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize