not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
