Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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