Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
