dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
