I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
