I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
