you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
