Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
