first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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