I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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