pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
