All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
