Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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