What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
