Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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