i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You were trust falling into bushes
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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