could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
