you guys were way drunker than both of me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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