New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
