Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
