You're so nebulous sometimes
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
