i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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