a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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