She said her name was "party"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
