your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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